For all the assholes out there that read the last page first (me), here’s the scoop. I tore two muscles in my rooster and severed my urethra doing it doggy style with a girl. There was blood, pain, love, frustration, and hilarity everywhere. A score of people took care of me, including my mother, as I recovered for a month. Tied to a catheter, the world around me slowed down. There were a lot of dick jokes, but my story was about perspective. I’ve always believed that the two elements in life that bring a person perspective were travel and our own mortality, of which this story is most certainly the later. Perspective allows us to realize that almost everything in our life is a first world problem, and that we should be nice to all the other blips on the radar of life. The world will end sooner or later, so we might as well laugh a little while we cry. We might as masturbate until it hurts. We might as well take a look in our brains and realize the truth is ridiculous if we’re brave enough to claim it. If this is where you’re starting then I hope you enjoy it because, like my sex life, I’m already finished.